How To Find Mr. Right

If I was to sell you a course titled “How To Find Mr. Right” I would click bait you, so you purchase the course, then I’d teach you how to be content in solitude. 

I’d probably set it up in 3 categories, the first category I would talk about is self awareness. 

Of course, self awareness is a broad term and there are many aspects of self awareness that are important. Things like paying attention to your thoughts, understanding your emotions, being thoughtful about actions and words, etc. are all important. I’d want to touch on these but would focus attention towards our insecurities and how they can drive us to look outward for resolution rather than inward.

When we can praise the things we love about ourselves and shine light to parts we have a harder time accepting, it gives us the opportunity to be honest with ourselves. Sometimes parts of ourselves we feel shame towards or embarrassed about, we unintentionally look to a partner to fix or make us feel better about it. Take low self esteem. We all know a “You’re so pretty. I bet you’d never date a guy like me. I’m so ugly” guy. HAHA.. hm. *Let us not judge these characters* 

What they’re really saying is “I believe that I am ugly and I want you to make that part of me feel better, so gimme a compliment and put a bandaid on the wound” or in other words “I don’t feel that I am enough for myself. I don’t have the capacity to love you the way you deserve. This is a really big red flag I’m brushing against your face”

I know from my personal experience, every single guy I would talk to it was like I was subconsciously asking them “Am I enough for you?” “Can you love these parts of me that I hate? Can you complete me?” 

Self awareness gives you the opportunity to take a step back and view yourself as a whole. Sometimes, it feels borderline impossible to love yourself. And sometimes those parts of us we hide in the shadows because we’re embarrassed or feel shame towards them, feel like parts that we won’t ever be able to love, so we ask someone else to do it for us. 

The great news is that it's reversible!!! You don’t have to feel that way forever!!! And it doesn’t take a man to get heal it!!! 

If you can detect your insecurities and how they affect your behavior, you can then find the right tools for you that will tend to the insecurity in a healthy way because the more you take care of it healthily, the more you are less dependent on outside influences which makes you more independent because you have the skill of turning inward rather than outward.

It is not the job of someone else to heal your insecurities. You are in the driver's seat and that would be the big lesson for the first piece of the course.

After we’ve digested self awareness and how to cultivate it , we’d move onto learning some tools that can help.

My biggest issue was that the concept of loving myself or being enough for myself was so out of reach-something that was foreign. I couldn’t grasp the concept because it wasn’t something I knew how to do, even searching up ‘self love’ and reading the affirmations felt so untrue and cringy. 

I wish more people knew that there is no one size fits all when it comes to self love and how to cultivate it. The YouTube video you watched of the girl giving a step by step tutorial and how to love yourself was great, but maybe it didn’t resonate with you. Her tools for self love don’t have to work for you and there are hundreds and hundreds of different tools you can try out.

I would give some examples on what has helped me cultivate self awareness. I’d talk about how journaling helps me process thoughts, how I love that I can look back and reflect on circumstances and what my thoughts were. I leave a paper trail of my growth and get to use my journal as a way of releasing thoughts in a safe place. 

Your tools can change. My morning routine 6 months ago is different than it is today because as I’ve changed tools out and kept the ones that I like best. I don’t like being limited to a few tools, so it’s nice to learn new ones and be able to change things up and see what sticks.

Sometimes it’s meditation, breathwork. Other times it’s reflecting, drawing, writing, running, walking, lifting- I mean the options are limitless, but you have to find what works for you. These tools bring me peace and awareness, your tools can be completely different from mine but cultivate the exact same feelings. So we’d work on brainstorming potential tools based on your hobbies, interests and passions that will fill you with a sense of self love, belonging and appreciation..

You are worthy of the love you dream of, but you have to believe that for yourself. Through practicing tools and spending quality time with yourself, your confidence should build to the point where guys who are toxic, guys that want you to chase them or guys that have no self esteem no longer attract you. You’re no longer attracted to them because you’re not looking for somebody to fill your insecurities. Being sure of who you are would guarantee the dating pool be that much more full of people who are also sure of themselves.

The last category - get the hell outside! 

Go see your family and friends. Meet new people, go explore. If you’re coddled up at home, you’re never going to meet someone and chances are you’ll feel more lonely. Sign yourself up for new workout classes, go on walks, find a group to attend. Love your independence! 

In this section I would want to set a goal of speaking to someone once a day or brainstorming ideas on how to meet new people. Whether it’s a friend, family member or the cashier. Get human interaction.

Ultimately, the biggest takeaway I would want this course to have is that… the guy you dream of is not going to come fix all your problems. He cannot fix your insecurities, he cannot make you feel enough for yourself, and he certainly should not be in charge of completing you.

He for sure will add things to your life, good and bad, but some things will always be your job and if you want to attract Mr. Right, turn inward so that if he does come, you are ready. 

Romantic relationships are not guaranteed. Never say never, but how much sweeter would your life be if you never had to look for outside validation?